Ladies and gentlemen, the definition of an 'alpha male' and an 'abusive man' differ substantially. Yet, the two can dance on the same slippery slope. For this reason, it is crucial to understand the difference. An alpha, dominant man is a positive and beautiful thing; possessing this incredible energy is attractive to women and often translates to success in a chosen career.
An alpha male often carries connotations of leadership, strength, and decisiveness. They are considered driven, successful, confident, and often charismatic individuals, qualities admired in many societies. However, it's essential to point out that being an alpha male doesn't involve disrespecting others or asserting dominance via force or fear.
On the other hand, an abusive man displays harmful behaviours that involve exerting power and control over a person through fear, gaslighting, intimidation, manipulation, or physical harm. Abuse can take multiple forms, including emotional, verbal, psychological, and physical. An abusive man uses these behaviours to manipulate, control, and exert power over others, often degrading and blaming their victims, leading to an unhealthy and toxic environment. And even the best people often confuse abusive men for strong alpha men. That's why Abusive vs Alpha Man: 10 Key Differences Explained here is crucial.
In many abusive relationships, there are several warning signs you should be aware of. If the person has a consistent pattern of two or more behaviours listed below, that should raise concern.
1. **Jealousy and Possessiveness**: An abusive man views you as his property or possession. He becomes excessively jealous and may feel threatened by your interactions with friends, family members, and others.
Whereas an Alphan man, although dominant, he also respects the rights and individuality of others. He values his freedom and wants you to experience the same privilege.
2. **Controlling Behaviour**: The abusive must control all situations, including where you go, who you see, what you wear, and check up on you constantly. The abusive man doesn't like to be told about the decisions you have made for yourself; he wants you to ask him first.
But an alpha-dominant man, exerting control over his actions and behaviours is paramount. He sets personal goals, builds and follows structured plans, and doesn't easily give in to temptations. For an alpha man, the control is over himself, not others.
3. **Isolation**: The abusive man tries to cut you off from your family and friends' support networks. He may also discourage you from doing things you love or pursuing your interests.
Alpha man usually has a positive outlook on life, and his energy tends to be contagious, making people want to be around him. He values his quiet time but has a supportive family and friends network. He sees great value in his partner having this support network, too.
4. **Verbal Abuse**: An abusive man will belittle, insult, and criticize your choices. He may make degrading comments about your appearance, intelligence, interest or accomplishments.
Whereas a dominant partner will support your dreams, however unrealistic they might be. He will help you believe in yourself as he believes in himself. His confidence and words of affirmation can comfort others. His decisiveness can make him an effective influencer, both personally and professionally. Alphas often tend to be leaders. They take charge, make decisions, and guide those around them. They're people others look up to and are comfortable following.
5. **Manipulation and Blame-shifting**: An abusive man will make you doubt your perceptions and memory, known as gaslighting. He will also shift all faults and mistakes onto you, never taking responsibility for his actions. He has difficulty saying 'I'm sorry' and 'Thank you'.
An Alpha man is reliable and dependable. He takes responsibility for his actions, admits when he is wrong and seeks to make amends when necessary.
6.**Disrespectful Attitude**: An abusive man does not respect your feelings, thoughts or possessions. He can be financially abusive, ensuring you bear all the financial responsibility in the relationship. Expect you to come up with the resources to make the relationship work. When you say no, you're not doing something, he may try to get you to comply by bringing it up subtly in conversations. He will invalidate your feelings.
An Alpha man is assertive; he effectively communicates his needs, wants, and feelings to you while being mindful of the feelings of others. An alpha man treats you the way he wants to be treated.
7. **Threats and Intimidation**: He uses threats to keep you in line. This can be directed towards you, themselves, or others you care about. He may threaten to leave because of his own fear of loss. He may threaten to withhold affection, sex and other care.
An alpha man knows his value; he doesn't need to use threats and intimidation to get what he wants. He's confident enough in his own abilities and his strength. Not just physical but mental and emotional resilience to handle failure, rejections, and life's many stresses.
8. **Violent Behaviour**: This could start off mild, such as breaking objects or raising a hand as if to hit, and might gradually increase in severity.
One of the hallmarks of an Alpha man is his self-disciple. Having impactable control over his behaviour is the quality that makes him an attractive dominant. To lose control is to lose the status of an Alpha man.
9. **Sexual Coercion or Assault**: The abusive man may force or pressure you into sexual activities against your will, not respecting your personal boundaries. He may try to guilt you into having sex when you don't want to. He may see your decision not to have sex as being too restricted and having too many boundaries, so he will try at every chance.
An alpha man is a courageous man who likes challenges and may join you in your sexual celibacy. He prefers to allure you into him instead of forcing you or guilt you into having sex when you may not want to. With his charisma and charm, you will wilfully give him what he wants and enjoy it, knowing you were not coerced or manipulated into doing it, but it was your decision. You give into him because he is so damn irresistible.
10. **Inconsistency/Indecisiveness**: The abusive man may switch between extreme mood swings of love and affection to anger and hostility. He may agree with a decision today if it benefits him and disagrees with it if it doesn't help him in an agreement. He may not be able to make decisions and stick to it. He may have a plan today and propose another plan tomorrow. A woman likes a decisive, competent man who can make sensible decisions in the relationship. Alpha man strives to succeed and be the best in his endeavours. He is often consistent and decisive in his choices. He has a solid drive to win but also acknowledges and learns from his failures.
If you experience two or more abusive behaviours on this list, you must seek professional help. Contact your local resources, friends, and family for assistance in handling the situation.
The behaviours of an alpha man that are balanced with empathy, humility and the capacity to listen and learn from others can make your relationship successful.
The beautiful, strong, attractive, dominant man is what all women want; they are out there. You just need to know the difference between an abusive and an alpha man.
Abusive vs Alpha Man: 10 Key Differences Explained.
L J Louis, an aspiring international trade lawyer, writer, foodie, mother, and women's advocate with a double-major degree in psychology and criminology and a Bachelor of Law(Hons LLB) degree.
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